The Price of Home

In our society today there are numerous people without the tangible home that we label as homeless or home-challenged; but have we thought about those that are lacking home security/stability? Many vulnerable groups are on the verge or edge of losing the homes they have currently. These people include (but aren't limited to) the LGBTQ community, lower income persons/families, and immigrants. These groups are often the subject of discrimination just because they exist. 

Home is usually defined as a place a person goes for shelter, for safety, and for a sense of normalcy. Home is something we think of as both a literal and a figurative place in our society. But what truly makes a home a home? How is it decided who gets a home and who doesn't? How do you get to keep a home that you may have created or earned for yourself?

For many LGBTQ individuals, myself included, you worry what will happen when you come out to someone. Whether that person is a family member, a friend, a colleague, or a boss. It is a nerve-wracking experience that can have dire consequences. For those that are unaware, there are many intangible things on the line in addition to all of the tangible one. It goes beyond the loss of a place to call home, which is a traumatic experience in its own right. You start to lose your self of self. 

For many of us, so much of who we are is made up or defined by our homes. Your parents/families are the first to give you a set of values to believe in. At home is when you are taught to feel safe and comfortable. The security that you feel at home is supposed to make you feel strong and confident. However, these things are only true if you feel that you belong there. Even if you are living in a home you may not feel at home if you are not able to be truly and completely yourself. In those situations, is that really a home? Is this a place that you are meant to be? Many are forced to say yes because you need the physical, financial, and practical support that is associated with it. Like many others, I did not know how I could or would afford to finish college without the support of my "family". In this situation, you are forced to hide who you are or to be someone other than yourself. 

For some, coming out is a story of acceptance, love, and familial warmth. For others, coming out is a story of pain, longing, loss, and hope. The pain of rejection that stings to the very depth of your soul. The longing for an idea of how things could have been if you were born any other way. The loss of the future you thought you had or the stability and support you need. The hope you force yourself to believe in until you finally find the place you were meant to be full of love, laughter, and support. The journey and the struggles that one faces along this path will be different from the next person but all have one thing in common. They all shape us to be something more than we thought or imagined and it is the price we paid for our sense of home today.

("Family" - the person you are related to by blood or law. Not to be confused with family - those that you chose to be members of your support network.) 

Elul 8

Eventually, I will use the kazoo I was given for this. :)

Today's post is about the idea of social intelligence. Yes, it is what you think it is. Have you spent much time thinking about yours? Currently, I am taking a leadership development course. In this class, we have talked about the impact that you have on those around you and the importance of getting feedback. A part of social intelligence is knowing how to say things and when to say them. Another part is the listening, the hearing.

Are you able to listen to someone and hear the message they are communicating? When we listen to each other we allow ourselves to grow. Coincidentally, when you've been listened to, you feel valued and important. This is not a coincident. These interactions are positive for both parties. The person speaking will be more willing to invest in your development if they know you value their input. You, in turn, are able to grow when you synthesize this information into your life. True as a child and still true as an adult.

Elul 7

One of my favorite cities with a fabulous singer. Ask yourself this, what would you do when the world was your oyster?

I wish you the opportunity to reach your potential and the newest of starts.

Elul 6

For me transition is always signified with new friends. Whenever I move, start a new job, or a go visit a new place I meet someone new. This post goes out to Andrew Cosentino, one of my first new friends in Baltimore.

Transitions are always fun. One of my favorite things to do is approach things with an open mind and heart. I always try to adapt to my situation my getting in touch with the things that are relevant. In moments of transition, it is very easy to get caught up in the possibilities. During these moments, it is important to remember that you need to stay grounded in what really matters. Sometimes, you may need to get the help of those around you to remain on course. Thank you to Leah Flamm, Erin Syverson, and Julie Murphy for being sources of wisdom, honesty, and pure joy the past year+.

Elul 5

#reflect4rosh #blogelul

Acceptance. Normally, I would reject the word for something more inclusive such as nurturing or valuing. However, I feel that there are opportunities to accept things and appreciate them. So I'm going make one recommendation and then share a few appreciations.

Recommendation: When you appreciate someone, tell them. It's important to let them know so they understand they have touched you. It's just a nice thing to do. It'll also make you feel better. 

Kenton Summers- Thank you for being one of my oldest and best friends. You have been there for me in the times that I've needed someone most. I can't wait for Europe this winter! After 9 years we are still friends, here's to many more!

Rachel Braden- You are such a kind and giving person. You have given me so much over the years that I don't even know where to begin to thank you. Right now, you're out there doing the things that you love and making a difference in the lives of those around you. Keep rocking on.

Sue Klapper- You truly are an inspiration to all that meet you. I know that I would not be where I am today without your help and support throughout the years. The example you set has helped shape my outlook and experience with the world around me. I am always trying to pay it forward.

Elul 4

This will count for yesterday's #reflect4rosh #blogelul post.

Sometimes you make new friends that feel like old friends. Sometimes you keep old friends like you keep old wine (never let them go). Other times, you sleep and forget what you said you were going to do.

Remember that sleep is important.

Elul 3

"Look, I find some of what you teach suspect. Because I'm used to relying on intellect. But I try to open up to the things I don't know. Because reason says, I should have died three years ago." - Rent

In honor of Rent's anniversary, I'm dedicating day 3 of #reflect4rosh #blogElul to all of those out there who, like me have lost themselves somewhere along the way but never gave up hope.

In life, we are given many opportunities to engage and disengage with the world around us. It can be an overwhelming process for some. On our journey of life, we search for things that give our lives' meaning. But what are we searching for? Maybe you are looking for a Bohemian society to allow you freedom. Or possibly you are looking for a simple house with a fence to keep things on your plan.

Whatever you are looking for, the search process is not something to be overlooked. As much as the final destination matters, the journey you take to get there does as well. Had our ancestors not wandered the desert for forty years we would not have much of our rich culture. The Torah is something near and dear to our culture, something extremely significant to our narrative.

As we embark upon our journey to Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, we will be wishing others are inscribed into the Book of Life. We will all share Torah with each other, both Torah and torah. The torah that we each write as we live our lives, is the documentation of the journey that we are on. This journey is kept in the Torah, the collections of stories we are share -in the past, present, and future.

All of these words are just a fancy way of saying that we should stop and smell the roses. As you continue in life over the next few weeks, remember to appreciate the journey you are on. Relish and enjoy searching for yourself in the process. It will be worth the wait.

Elul 2

When is the last time that you've touched someone's life? Have you considered the impact that you have on those around you?

In a society where actions speak louder than words, why are we so caught up on the words that we say? In Judaism, one lesson that has resonated most with me is the concept of human dignity and respect. Today on my way home from dinner I passed someone that was homeless, normally I don't have anything to give someone I encounter but tonight I did. I gave the man, who said he was a veteran, the food I was going to take home. It really made me feel good, for a moment.

It was a small act for me to do that but it will definitely make an impact on his night. It also made me remember all the times I've gone past men and women like him and done nothing. I reflected on how homelessness is such a problem for our communities here. I thought about how if we would all just do one simple act, we could begin the journey to helping others in our community, working towards ending homelessness. The one small act that we need to begin with is to just see everyone and value their existence. Valuing the existence of another goes beyond acknowledging them, it requires giving them space to exist fully.

1 Elul

#reflect4rosh
As we count down the days until Rosh HaShana it's customary to reflect on the past year -your actions, decisions, and overall impact.

While a lot of others are out celebrating the extended weekend, I have been in class this weekend. Today there was a question that made me reflect on my summer internship and the concept of "doing the right thing". Why do the right thing? Does it matter if no one sees or notices? If you don't and won't get caught and it puts you ahead in life, is that okay? What about our own hypocrisy in social values?

Over the past year, I have made some efforts to try and live a more ethically/Jewishly sound life. (Not that I've been a bad person, just wanting to be a more conscious person.) But have I really kept my focus on the impact I had? No, sadly I didn't. I haven't maintained the course throughout the year. I took the opportunity and earnestly embarked but when it was inconvenient or I forgot I strayed from my original intention. I did, however, try to be a good person in my relationships with others and balance that with caring for myself more. I have spent time connecting and investing in relationships that add value to my life with people who care and accept me fully. I've also learned that I need to be willing to allow others the opportunity to get to know me and not always be so jaded about things in life. In a similar vein, I've learned that sometimes people really just won't understand despite your willingness to be vulnerable and educated. Sometimes being vulnerable just hurts and you don't have to do it.

All that said, love is still an important value in life that I will hold near and dear to my heart (literally, ask me about my tattoo). I will continue to show love to those around me and try to accept love in return. To quote "Moulin Rouge" - "The greatest thing you'll learn is to love and be loved in return."

Diversity in the Workplace: Is it still a relevant conversation?

Diversity is a buzzword that gets thrown around in numerous circles with little care to what it actually means. Most initial thoughts surrounding the idea of diversity revolve around a conversation about race. In this context when we say race we are referring to policies like affirmative action, non-discrimination clauses, and other equal opportunity laws. The troubling part is that for many the conversation stops there. For many the conversation stops at the topic of race or a the fact that the existence of policies designed to show that "diversity matters".

There are a few ways that diversity effects us in the business world, some positively, and some negatively. In a recent Harvard Business Review article, researchers found that inclusive policies rarely created more inclusive work environments and, in fact, had some negative impacts. This is not to say that only people who are white can have prejudice. All people can be prejudice and be adversely impacted. (If you want to understand more I recommend looking up terms like privilege, power, and racism. You can learn more about how prejudice affects people of different races differently.) Diversity does, however, foster things like creativity, innovation, and business growth.

Where do these negative impacts from diversity come from? According to an article in the Harvard Business Review, they come from white employees with an expectation of being undervalued or discriminated against at places that vocally support diversity. These employees feel threatened in the workplace due to a perception that a person of color will receive greater recognition for the same work based on their identity. However this feeling is one that a person of color, or any other minority group, feels about a member of the dominant group. In addition, the same research used to discover the aforementioned conclusions also ascertained that people of minority groups seldom felt these policies tempered acts of discrimination.

This fact provides a troubling view of the reality in the workplace. Neither side of this situation feels invested in these policies and, as a result, real change is hampered on several levels. Some of this resistance can be overcome with special attention paid to how these messages are communicated to employees. Taking special care to make sure that the message does not belittle or devalue those who may be in the privileged group is a great start to these conversations. This conversation must also be sure to address the actual concerns of those in the group experiencing discrimination.  Executives and managers must be willing to engage in those difficult conversations knowing that it is challenging for all parties involved. They must also go one step further and acknowledge why it is challenging, that will help grasp the picture more fully. Organizations should strive to be inclusive organizations instead of organizations with inclusive policies.

Inclusive organizations benefit from increased growth due to creativity and innovation. There is a link to the increased capacity for creativity and innovation, a diverse group of employees that feel valued in the workplace. In these situations, you are able to capitalize on the rich variety of backgrounds and experiences of your employees. The truly inclusive organization needs to ensure their employees has a sophisticated understanding of inter-cultural communications. One aspect of creativity and innovation is the cross-pollination that occurs from sharing ideas. Employees are not willing to share ideas in environments where they do not feel that they can trust their co-workers. However, once this trust is established the company will benefit from the synergistic resonance of creativity, innovation, and the passions of their employees.

Diversity in the workplace is a multi-faceted issue that can be uncomfortable to talk about. It is, however, extremely important for us all to be educated about the larger implications that stem from a lack of it in the work environment. The actions we take now to better our understanding of the nuances related to all aspects of diversity, not just in relation to race and gender, the more equipped we will be as we enter the thralls of management.


Articles Referenced:
https://hbr.org/2016/01/diversity-policies-dont-help-women-or-minorities-and-they-make-white-men-feel-threatened
http://www.hbs.edu/faculty/Publication%20Files/09-130_025221b6-e35a-49d0-affb-6466a4a008ac.pdf
http://www.mckinsey.com/insights/organization/is_there_a_payoff_from_top-team_diversity
http://images.forbes.com/forbesinsights/StudyPDFs/Innovation_Through_Diversity.pdf
http://www.forbes.com/sites/ekaterinawalter/2014/01/14/reaping-the-benefits-of-diversity-for-modern-business-innovation/#7c032b86476e

What happens now?

In the wake of what's been happening around the world, both domestically and abroad, I wonder what is there that can truly be done. I find myself losing hope that there is any solution to the hurt and anger that drives people to commit such heinous acts of destruction. I think about all the songs that have been written speaking about how the future is something we need to cherish, something that we must protect. There have been so many books written about dystopian societies that resulted from the greed of humanity. Movies made to show that the world does not end because of things like climate disaster or aliens but rather because of our own self-destruction.

Why then are we allowing these atrocities to continue? How can we let the world we need to survive crumble before us? Is there really no hope for our society? We constantly say the children are our future, they will fix the mess. Why are we so comfortable leaving a mess for our children? I am not a parent and that startles me. If I were to have children I would want them to enter into in a world that was full of love, opportunity, hope, and positivity. Don't get me wrong. I understand that difficult and challenging situations are what allow us to grow and develop as people. That is different from bringing up children in a broken world. In a world in which the color of their skin could mean the difference between life or death. In a world where giving their all and trying their best may still not be enough for them to actually make it.

We need to take a long and hard look at what is it that matters to us. What do we want the future to hold? We are living much longer lives as a society and will see more of that distant future than we thought we might. As Eva said (in Evita), "what happens now?...where are we going to?"